


Forgive Me

by JerseyGirl



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Apologies, Best Friends, First Kiss, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Guilt, Letters, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Male Friendship, Romantic Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-31
Updated: 2012-06-01
Packaged: 2017-11-06 10:42:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/417943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JerseyGirl/pseuds/JerseyGirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On the eve of travelling to North Korea with Steve on the slim chance that the love of her life is still alive, Jenna pens a letter to Steve, only to be read if he returns from there without her. UPDATE: Added Chapter 2: after Steve reads Jenna's letter, what does he do?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just a small, sad little piece written as a letter from Jenna to Steve.

Steve,

Watching you do a graceful dance, moving away and then sliding closer together as though an invisible string was pulling you from the very cores of your beings, has been like watching a timeless ballet performed by children. There have been moments of sheer, perfect beauty. Moments where you both have faltered. Moments where you have surprised me with how you can balance such a deep love and connection, and moments where you clumsily bruised each other's souls; two men falling into life's eternal dance, stumbling to get out of each other's way, fighting to get out of their own, and all the while unable to ignore what happened the very first moment they met.

I have watched, as has been the case since I lost my own precious love, from a distance. Even though at times it was happening right next to me, all around me as you circled, pounced, retreated and managed to stay within each other's sphere, I kept myself separated as best I could, knowing deep down that one day I would be called upon to hurt one of you. Maybe both of you.

I know that going to North Korea may be the last thing I ever do. And I have a feeling that he's going to ask more from me before my plane leaves tonight. That the something more will involve at least one of you, but by involving that one, will affect you both. Whatever happens I know you will survive, Steve, because you _always_ survive. I'll do everything I can to make that possible even as I lure you to a place where he surely intends to kill you.

Know only that I am sorry. And know that while it seems so selfish on my part, to be putting your life in danger, to be taking you directly to Hell as I am, I know that if our situations were reversed, you and Danny would do the same. Because if it was _he_ who awaited rescue in some remote foreign land, you would go, even if the chance of him being alive was next to none. And if it was you, lost and presumed dead for so many years, he would come and look for you, even at the risk of leaving his own daughter behind.

I know this, because I know both of you, perhaps better than you know yourselves. I don't think either of you have truly realized the special bond you have that goes so far beyond that of partners, of best friends, of brothers. I don't know if you have crossed the line, or if either of you ever intended to.

But given that I've been mourning my own lost love for so long, and given that I am probably going to my death tonight, if you do return to him, Steve, please take this as my final, dying wish to you: love him. Grab hold of that rare and true thing that's already there burning so brightly between you. Make sure he knows how much you really love him by saying it with more than your eyes. Yes, I see how you look at him. I'm sure he sees it, too.

He won't make the first move. He's been hurt too much, and he would never risk your friendship, your partnership or the team by being the first to say he loves you. But he does. Because that look in _your_ eyes is mirrored in his.

Please don't forget me. But please try not to remember me as the one who betrayed you. Instead, remember me as the one who encouraged you to begin your Happily Ever After as soon as possible. Don't wait any longer, Steve. Because if you're reading this, it means you made it out and I didn't. Which in turn, means I'm proof that you don't necessarily have all the time in the world to put off the most important thing to ever happen to you. And the most rewarding.

I am so sorry.

Forgive me.

Love,

Jenna


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once Steve reads the letter Jenna left for him, what does he do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedicated to 4thofFive, who was kind enough to comment and said "I can't help but wish for a follow up where Steve reads the letter..." Well, he doesn't exactly march into Danny's office, but let's see what happens...

Steve's hands are shaking by the time he puts down the letter delivered by Chin not fifteen minutes after the team had returned to HQ for the first time since rescuing Steve from North Korea.

"She said I would know when to give it to you," was all Chin had told him as he'd held out the small cream-colored envelope with Steve's first name scrawled on the front of it in Jenna's unmistakable handwriting.

Now Steve looks at Jenna's necklace, currently resting near the keyboard on his desk, then back down at the short, one-page letter.

The lump that formed in his throat the moment he recognized the handwriting has grown into a massive obstruction he can barely swallow over.

And his hands are still shaking, the paper whispering quietly as it moves with them.

Such a beautiful soul Jenna had. Such a tragic loss to the team. Tragedy upon tragedy in her life, as had been the case in Steve's own. And yet Steve had survived. He had lived to return to his beloved home, to the task force he was so proud of. To the team he loved as much as he did his own sister.

To Danny.

Danny, who'd lifted the flap on the back of the truck that Steve thought for certain would become his tomb. Blinking his eyes open against the light to see him…to actually see his partner right there in the middle of the jungle in a country so far from safety…it had taken his breath away. It had scared the hell out of him that the flap might open again to reveal Wo Fat, who would put a bullet in Danny's brain without any hesitation.

So he'd asked where Wo Fat was.

Danny had been Danny, shutting him up, untying him, the rest of the team plus Joe plus the SEALs they'd once helped suddenly surrounding him. The chopper ride, the subsequent plane ride, being reunited with Kono, the week-long stay at Kings.

And then, finally, home. Home meant ghosts and memories, but it also meant the back yard that was a beach. It meant two white chairs. It meant a quiet night watching the sunset, sweating Longboards in hand. It meant him and Danny.

Only now does Steve realize the words on the page have blurred. It takes him a moment to understand why, which he only does when he blinks and suddenly his vision clears as two small tears splash onto the blue ink, smudging the words that were Jenna's last written thoughts ever.

Her final wish in all of this was for him. Him and Danny.

She was right, of course. After all, Danny had proven her words to be prophetic even though he knew nothing about them, hadn't he? He'd come with all the rest of them, just to find Steve. A seemingly impossible task, leaving behind his precious Grace with every understanding, or so Joe had confided to Steve at the hospital, that one or all of them might never make it back. And not once, Joe said, had Danny so much as flinched at the thought.

Grace might never have known what became of her Danno. And Danny had put _that_ – the happiness of the most important person in his world – on the line for _Steve_.

It's only because the duster on the bottom of the glass door makes a swishing sound when the door is opened that Steve realizes he's no longer alone. He looks up to find the person he knew he would standing there looking so concerned, something bleeding out of his eyes that isn't tears, but that he recognizes all the same.

Danny lets the door swish closed. His eyes look down to the letter Steve is now letting fall to the top of his desk. Danny stares at the letter for a moment, sees Jenna's necklace nearby, then his eyes move back up to land on Steve's.

Steve swallows, barely able to over that lump that has grown impossibly bigger. He doesn't bother trying to wipe away the tears caught in his lashes. Because Jenna is gone, and she did exactly as she'd promised in the letter: she'd done everything she could to help Steve get out. And now she would rot to dust in a bunker in the middle of North Korea, with her family never being able to set eyes on her again.

"Babe?" Danny whispers, moving forward a couple of steps to stand right in front of Steve's desk. "You okay?"

Steve gestures to the letter. "Jenna left this before we went to North Korea," he says, voice equally quiet. He can hear it's thick with emotion but just…doesn't care anymore. Danny's seen him at his best and his worst. Danny risked his life with the rest of the team and Joe and the SEALs to save him, and though Steve understood from the moment he saw them how huge that was in and of itself, the fact is that this father, this New Jersey native, this man who's standing before him is so entrenched within him – so much moreso than any of the others – would do what he did…the sheer magnitude of the choice _Danny_ made in all this hits him like a bullet train right in the solar plexus.

He whooshes out a breath, hands coming out to steady himself on the edge of the desk. Danny's crouching right next to his chair in the blink of an eye, murmuring for Steve to breathe slowly, hand on Steve's back right between his shoulder blades, rubbing gently against the fabric of his shirt. Steve manages to get his breathing under some semblance of control, looks up to find Danny's eyes bright, blue, right _there_ and shining with everything Jenna said was true.

Steve reaches out, places the palm of his hand on Danny's cheek. Sees Danny's eyelids flutter closed, his mouth drop open slightly. Hears him sigh as he leans into Steve's touch. All which gives Steve the courage, at long last, to say, "I love you."

Tears gather in Danny's eyes as they open. A small smile, a hand reaching up to take Steve's own where it still rests on Danny's cheek. "I love you, too," he whispers, and in that moment Steve thinks his heart is going to explode, so much so that he _has_ to do something. So he leans forward and presses his still-cracked and bruised and split lips to Danny's smooth, dry ones.

And Danny kisses him back.

No tongues.

No teeth.

No shared breaths; not yet.

Simply touch. And love, wrapping them in the blanket that's been trying to wind its way around them from the very first.

Yes, Jenna had betrayed him. Betrayed them all. But she'd done it because she'd shared with her Josh the same thing that Steve now truly understands he and Danny share. If he'd had to betray everyone he cared about to save Danny's life, he would. And he knows without asking that Danny would do the same. Danny's already proven it.

He pulls away and Danny says, "Come on. The team wants to have lunch together in the conference room."

"Not yet," Steve says, pulling away, folding Jenna's letter and sliding it back into its envelope. Maybe someday he'll let Danny read it. Let Danny see why Steve chose now to say the words he never thought he'd say to his partner.

But for right now there's something else Steve wants. _Needs_. He suspects Danny needs it, too. So he gets to his feet. He turns to fully face Danny as he also rises. Their eyes never leave each other's.

"Steve," Danny breathes, and it sounds like _forever_ and _finally_ and _don't ever leave me_ _again_ and Steve, well, he hopes that by putting his arms around Danny, pulling him close and staying that way in the middle of his glass-walled office for anyone and everyone to see, says _thank you_ and _you're not alone_ and _forgive me_.

As Jenna had asked.

Steve forgives her. Without question. Without hesitation. When he pulls back to look in Danny's eyes, he sees Danny forgives _him_. It's almost more than he knows what to do with.

If anyone in the bullpen saw them for the nearly fifteen minutes they held each other there, they say nothing when the partners enter the conference room and take the sandwiches being handed out by Lori.

But none of them needs to say a word. Because Steve's here, alive, with all of them. Danny's sitting shoulder-to-shoulder with him sharing a napkin, a drink and a bag of chips. Sharing his space. Sharing his love.

And that says it all.


End file.
